Sometimes, Google amuses me
I was looking recently for pictures of adorable kittens (I know, like those are so rare on the Internet) and ran a search on Google with the search parameters “cute kittens.”
I was extremely amused to see the following:
Well, I guess Sherlock and John do sorta qualify as cute kittens…
In other news Empress of Storms continues to sell briskly, I’m working on Iron Cross and Cross Current at the same time, and the Christmas cleaning has begun, selah.
The Good, The Bad, and the Croggling
The Good: The Evernight Readers’ Choice Awards were held on Saturday and Deep Water was first runner up in Best Menage category, while Breaker Zone was first runner up in the Best Erotic category. Thanks so much to everyone who voted for me — I truly appreciate each and every one of you!
The Bad: I seem to be in a moderately bad mood today and I don’t know why. It could just be that I have a metric buttload of cleaning to do around here before I can put up the Christmas decorations and for reasons that I don’t understand a family member is stating on FB that I won’t have anything up this week. Whatever.
The Croggling: I was looking for Empress of Storms reviews today and found one that, to be honest, had me o_0 at first, then laughing, then absurdly flattered. The reviewer, who is also a noted writer of SF and fantasy, had this to say about EoS:
“This book was so good-hearted I forgave it the things that bothered me, #1 of which was that I couldn’t tell if it was set in our world or a second world; all the names were definitely Greek and so were the cities, but the mythology was wrong and there was magic? But a political intrigue story with several twists in it, about a young queen affianced to an older king of another nation, and their relationship and how it affects their countries and their enemies. Definitely a fantasy novel, but the romance elements were strong; particularly, all the erotic scenes were explicit, and other than the first one (which establishes some important groundwork for the partnership) there’s no real plot reason for the rest of them. People who dislike explicit sex scenes for the point of explicit sex scenes will probably be annoyed.”
She then went on to review a MM contemporary romance, concluding with “Also explicit, but more pertinent to the plot (oddly enough) than the previous book, which wasn’t a romance.”
*goes back to check book notes*
*checks categories on Amazon, All Romance eBooks, and Smashwords*
*confirms that yup, I wrote a fantasy erotic romance*
I just read this to Ramón. He replied, “So let me get this straight. A member of SFWA read your book, which was an erotic romance with fantasy elements, and thought it was a fantasy novel with gratuitous sex. So essentially you wrote a romantic pastiche of high fantasy that worked so well it passes for actual high fantasy.”
Then he paused. “You realize this means it’s eligible for a Hugo.”
I think we scared the cats with our cackling.
A Slight More Balanced Thought About Piracy
*takes deep breath, lets it out through nose*
So yesterday I launched a rant about a certain site that was promoting illegal downloads of Empress of Storms. Pretty much everyone who read it and left a comment on social media sympathized with me, reassured me that a lot of pirate sites exist to get credit card information and thus karma would visit those who didn’t know how to use a library, and generally tried to make me feel better.
I appreciate them all. And I should admit that part of my rage was brought on by the fact that Ramón was laid off on October 31 and we are both scrambling for work and trying to figure out how we’ll be paying the December mortgage (Christmas isn’t even an option this year. Paying bills comes first). But the karma bit stuck in my head. See, I used to have a blog waaaaay back in 2001, long before WordPress or Blogger or even LiveJournal were on the scene. Had to hand-code each entry, change the previous entry so that it linked to the new one, and create/update the archive pages. You kids don’t know how lucky you are, with your social media crosslinking and your SEO tags. Now get off my lawn.
Anyhoo, since I knew that big block of uninterrupted text tended to turn readers off I had a habit of trolling the net for appropriate images, downloading them, and using them in my blog entries. I did not buy these. Back then, you didn’t even think twice about it. You found a picture on the net and you just used it. There was no question about reimbursing the artist who took the photograph or created the artwork. If it was on the net, it was free for use, QED.
So, if I am brutally honest with myself this may be karma doing a little bitchslapping of its own for using creative material that I didn’t pay for. And now that my blood pressure has settled, I do have to admit that having 612 downloads and 41 four- and five-star reviews is actually kind of flattering. At least 612 people liked my story enough to grab it from a torrent site and read it. 41 of them liked it enough to leave good reviews.
(I still wish they’d left those reviews on Amazon, but whatever.)
Seriously, though, if you can’t afford a copy and will frigging explode if you can’t read about Matthias and Danaë, don’t go through a torrent site. Email me and I will send you a copy for free. All I ask is that you leave a honest review somewhere, ideally Amazon but I’ll take Goodreads/B&N/iBooks/whatever. That way, karma blesses us both.
A rant about ebook piracy wherein I channel my inner Lewis Black
(ATTENTION: There will be a great deal of profanity in this post. You have been warned.)
Well, fuck me. I did my usual check for reviews this morning and stumbled across a pirate site called readpremiumbooks dot com that has Empress of Storms.
612 downloads. Allow me to repeat that — SIX HUNDRED AND TWELVE DOWNLOADS. And that’s just from this one site. That’s $1,709.32 that I lost, assuming that people would have bought it through Amazon. That would’ve been enough to pay our bills this month and have cash left over for Christmas presents (and things are really goddamned tight around Castle Cameron right now).
And you wonder why I despise pirates. Not all of us are bestselling authors who can blow off piracy as a left-handed form of promotion. For some of us that income means paying the bills, or the mortgage, or picking up necessary medicine. But apparently people think I don’t need that money — hey, I’m a writer, I must be rolling in it, I won’t notice one pirated copy.
Surprise, motherfucker. I notice. So do my creditors. And I can’t even send these RPE fuckers a DMCA takedown because they advertise themselves as an “external affiliate” who cannot guarantee the presence of a particular file because they draw from third-party sites.
But losing income actually isn’t the most irritating thing about this. Want to know what’s really chapping my ‘nads? EoS has 41 fucking reviews on this site, all of which appear to be five stars. I can’t get people to leave me reviews on Amazon, but pirate sites? No problem. Goddamn it, I offered the book FOR FREE if people would just leave an honest review in return. Not one nibble did I get. But they’ll go to a pirate site that could be loading their ereaders with Cthulhu knows what sort of malware to get reading material AND LEAVE REVIEWS THERE.
And people wonder why I drink.
I’m big in the UK
So I’ve been checking my Kindle Direct Publishing dashboard, as you do when you’re a nervous self-pubbing author. While I was there I noticed an upwards swing in sales for Empress of Storms today, which is awesome because money around the holidays is always a good thing.
And then I dug into the stats a bit deeper. It seems that the bulk of the recent sales have come from amazon.co.uk. This pleases me as Ramón is in fact an Englishman and it’s nice to know that some of his countrymen (or women, as the case may be) are digging my work. So if any of you lovely British bookbuyers are reading this, thank you and please spread the word to your friends. I wouldn’t mind becoming a smash hit in the UK at all, especially if I could whomp up the funding for a book tour.
Keep all sharp objects away from my reality bubble. I’m allowed to dream.
Meanwhile, NovelRank is reporting that I have sold absolutely nothing in December and my only sales have been within the US. So bugger to you and your bizarre sales determining algorithm, NovelRank.
Oh, the weather outside is frightful…
Happy December! Of course, what that means in the Cameron manse is that I have to clean this place from top to bottom and get it decorated for the holidays (which in this house usually means Christmas, although I have been known to observe Festivus on occasion). And what with five cats and an absent-minded husband who has a tendency to leave things strewn around the house, that’s a lot of cleaning to do, plus there’s the fact that I kinda skipped a lot of cleaning during the Empress writing marathon and NaNoWriMo and Lord, you would not believe the cat hair buildup in my office…
But I digress. Holiday preparations here means putting up the library tree and the smaller one in the kitchen, draping lights over every surface that can taken them (the picture at left is a total and blatant lie — it rarely looks that nice, I can assure you) and switching out the seasonal garland over the door for a poinsettia chain. My sister goes all out at her place — it looks like Santa Claus had sex with Martha Stewart. So what are some of the holiday things you want to do this month? I’m always open to suggestions!
Oh, and since I did win this, I probably should put it up. Go me! Now I just have to get it edited and off to the agent, then go back to work on Cross Current, write the Christmas bear shifter story that my bitch of a Muse decided to drop on me yesterday, get a few other projects done and out to their patiently waiting owners, and start putting together swag for Wild Wicked Weekend and RT next year. Whee!
Empress of Storms 25% off at ARe! @allromance #cybermonday #sale
I’m still running that 25% off sale on Empress of Storms at All Romance eBooks, so if you haven’t picked up a copy yet you should go and do it now! For everyone who has already purchased a copy, thank you SO much. Your interest in my first foray into high fantasy erotic romance is truly appreciated.
Now that the holidays are winding down, however, could I ask you a huge favor? I really, really, REALLY need reviews for the book, ideally on Amazon but I won’t say no to Goodreads, B&N, or any other online retailers. I’ve reached the point where my social media self-promo is getting a little redundant and I don’t want to annoy people with repeated ads. I’ve purchased advertising on various sites, but right now reviews are desperately needed to promote the book, bump it up in Amazon rankings and pull in new sales.
Also, as I’ve mentioned before if you’re stony broke and just can’t afford an ebook right now, contact me with your preferred ebook format and I’ll send you a copy. All I ask is that you leave an honest review for me — and yeah, if you read it and absolutely hate it, then go ahead and say that. I know Empress isn’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea, and I’d rather have someone saying, “Yeah, sorry, this bites” than someone blowing smoke up my ass.
Okay, back to work!
Black Friday? I got your sale right here!
Not only is All Romance eBooks running a 25% off sale on Evernight titles, I’m also running a 25% off sale on Empress of Storms because I’m a giver. So if you want to load that new ereader up with some awesome titles, go forth and splurge!
Wicked Wednesday Reads: Tempered By Her
Whee, it’s Wednesday! Never fear, for today I’m here with Lynn Burke and the fourth in her sizzling Risso Family novels, Tempered By Her, now available from Evernight Publishing and other online retailers of fine erotic romance.
But wait, there’s more! Lynn is also sponsoring a giveaway of all four Risso Family novellas in ebook form and a $10 Amazon GC! To enter and get a chance to win, use the Rafflecopter link below:
Rafflecopter link:
http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/c0e4595c81/?
For more information on the Risso Family, click on the image below.
Zane Risso, a Dominant unyielding in his desires, is haunted by the one woman he wants and can’t have, vanilla goodie-two-shoes Raquel Hawkins. He knows the only way to flush her from his system is to seduce her and move on, because surrendering the kink club addiction he enjoys is not a demand he’ll accept. From any woman.
Raquel Hawkins has never known temptation like the blue-eyed Italian god who seems fond of whispering naughty things in her ear during office hours. He’s bad news—sin personified—and although she continues to deny him, her body’s responses to his sensual words just might buy her a one-way ticket to hell.
From their first kiss, Zane’s determination to overcome her Pollyanna principles threatens his lifestyle. For Raquel, giving into temptation would doubtless leave her heart a shredded mess—and unlock sordid secrets best left in the dark.
Story Excerpt
I found Raquel kneeling in the center of my bed, hands on her lap, head bowed, her high heels placed side by side on the floor at the bed’s foot. She hadn’t obeyed my first command, but fuck me, I didn’t give a shit.
I’d planned on taking her over my knee and reddening every inch of her ass and thighs, but seeing her in such a submissive pose in the middle of my bed had me drooling for a taste. “Take off your blouse.”
She started at my voice, but lifted shaking hands to do as told. With each button slipped free, my arousal returned, and the blue silk sliding off her bare shoulders and revealing a see-through white lace bra and puckered rosy nipples brought a groan to my lips.
“Lay back.” I strode forward as she straightened her legs and complied, the sounds of her quickened breaths heating my blood.
Fuckin’ Raquel Hawkins, sweet innocent, was on my bed, the darkness beneath her knee-length skirt sending my saliva glands into hyper-drive. I slipped leather ties around her wrists and tied her tight to my headboard. She chewed on her lower lip, chest rising and falling enough to make me think she might call out her safe word, but she kept silent.
I kicked off my shoes and climbed onto the bed, pushing up her pencil skirt with agonizing slowness over nylon-clad legs while settling on my haunches between them.
Thigh highs. I swallowed. Fuckin’ A.
A sweep of my thumbs from inner to outer thighs, and she lifted her ass, allowing me to push the skirt to her waist. So much for my assumption about granny panties. White lace matching her bra and a scrap of silk hid her virgin curls from me. I leaned down, breathing in the sweet, musky scent of her arousal. “I’m going to taste you, Raquel.”
She gasped, her hands flexing in their restraints.
“You’re not allowed to come until I tell you to.”
“W-what?”
I reached up and pinched her nipple, earning another gasp, a groan of pleasure on its heels as she writhed on the bed. “The proper response would be, yes, Sir.”
She licked her lips again and whispered, “Yes, Sir.”
“Yes, Sir, what?”
“I won’t come until you tell me to.”
Where to Buy
Evernight Publishing
Amazon
All Romance eBooks
Bookstrand
Goodreads
About Lynn Burke
Lynn Burke is a full time mother, voracious gardener, and scribbler of spicy romance stories. A country bumpkin turned Bay Stater, she enjoys her chowdah and Dunkin Donuts when not trying to escape the reality of city life.
Her current work, the Risso Familly Novellas, revolves around four siblings from Boston’s North End.
Want a free copy of Empress of Storms? #ebooks #kindle #romance #fantasy
Now that I’m back from my vacation and am tanned, rested, and ready, it is time to get serious about reviews for Empress of Storms. If you bought a copy, I adore you to pieces and ask you to pretty please leave a review somewhere — Amazon, Goodreads, Barnes & Noble, Smashwords, Kobo, iBooks, whatever. It’s all good.
If you can’t buy a copy, man, I totally understand. Times are tight, the holidays are coming up, and your money needs to go elsewhere. So here’s the deal — email me at nicolacameronwrites.com and tell me what your preferred ebook format is, and I will send you a copy of Empress of Storms.
In return, I ask that you leave a review for me at one of the places listed above. If you’re a blogger, I ask that you post the review on your site. Empress is getting some really good reviews, but I need more to promote the book. The more copies I sell, the more likely I am to write a sequel. Or heck, start a new series. There’s always room for a new series, right?
(I can hear my Muse cackling into her mojito in the background.)
So if you’re willing to get a free ebook in exchange for reviews, let me know. And as Bartles and Jaymes were wont to say, I thank you for your support.
Nicola Cameron Writes 