Category Archives: Personal

Well, that was fast

Like others, I posted a goodbye video on TikTok Saturday. About an hour later I got the message saying that the service was no longer available for American users, but that they were in talks with TFG about re-establishing contact and thanking him profusely for the opportunity.

Yesterday morning the app was live again. It’s still not back in the Apps or Google Play stores, but current users still have access to the app and their videos. But things had already changed. I saw an ad in FB suggesting that I link my TikTok account to FB, and other reported seeing Meta ads in TikTok. As of this morning people are getting community violation notices for speaking out against TFG and content is being taken down.

Just a reminder—billionaires don’t care what happens to you. And foreign billionaires really don’t care what happens to people here in the US. TikTok’s return was never in doubt, but now it’s been co-opted into the right wing media platform.

Which is not great, but billionaires are gonna billionaire. And I can still vote with my feet, so I will. You can find me on Bluesky and Youtube if you are of a mind, and I still have my newsletter and this blog.

Posted in Personal, Trickster

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So, Neil Gaiman

Jan 13

Posted by Nicola Cameron

Let me preface this by saying that my heart goes out to a lot of people right now regarding the Vulture piece about Neil Gaiman. Primarily it goes out to the women who were taken advantage of and hurt by him in truly malicious ways, and whose stories are now finally coming to light. It also goes out to all his fans who found something beautiful and uplifting in his work, and who now feel like fools. I can only hope they remember that they are not fools for believing a carefully crafted persona, and that it’s okay to value the good they received from his work.

As me for, I am not distraught over this news. Horrified, yes. Appalled that he used his fame as a tool to collect women and manipulate them into some barbaric sex. I won’t call it BDSM because true BDSM is always consensual and negotiated every time; Gaiman, on the other hand, took ruthless advantage of vulnerable women to live out his fantasies. Unfortunately he’s not the first writer to do this, or even the first writer to do this while claiming to be a feminist (looking at you, Joss Whedon).

But that’s not why I’m not distraught. The thing is, I never enjoyed his work. And please believe me when I say I’m not trying to come off as some kind of, “HA-ha! I KNEW he was scum!” scold. As a writer I fully acknowledge his skill and artistry. The man possesses an astonishing talent, and his sheer amount of published work and the fanbase he accumulated demonstrates that.

But what he wrote didn’t appeal to me, I found Stardust to be dreary, had a hell of a time getting through American Gods, and DNFed Anansi Boys and The Ocean at the End of the Lane (we’ll come back to that in a bit). As for the comics, I only read The Sandman: Dream Country recently after watching S1 of the series, and “Calliope”—brr.

Basically, it comes down to an issue of taste. I don’t care for artistically grim stories, even if they do have moments of transcendent beauty. That being said, I don’t like disparaging other people’s favorites so I kept quiet when people recommended him to me or raved about their favorite Gaiman novel or comic book. Oddly enough, I adored the TV series Lucifer. But that was so far removed from its source material that the only thing it shared with the character from Sandman was a name and an origin story.

So, not a Gaiman fan but I wasn’t going to yuck other people’s yum. And then I saw that he was doing what was advertised as his last ever signing tour (this was well before COVID). I thought maybe I’d like his work better if I saw him in person, so I bought a ticket that would include a reading by him and a signed and personalized copy of Ocean. The day of the signing was in the middle of a Texas summer, and attendees wound around the Majestic Theater and waited hours in triple digit heat for the doors to open. I had to shut off my phone because it was overheating, it was that bad.

The doors finally opened, and I headed up to my spot in the nosebleed seats, relieved to be in air conditioning again. I will admit to being overheated and a bit grumpy when Gaiman came out on stage, which might color my reaction to his first words. He began his reading by telling the audience that he was dismayed so many people had shown up because it meant he would have to personalize all of our books.

Now, I understand British humor and sarcasm—I am married to an Englishman, after all—but this didn’t come across as humor, or even humour. He was clearly annoyed that after the reading he would have to sit there and sign all our books. As a fellow author I did think, “Buddy, there are writers who would give a kidney to be in your shoes, so maybe show some gratitude to the fans and just shut up? You can pay for a hand massage later.”

After that, he started into a reading of “Fortunately the Milk” and immediately perked up, clearly enjoying the experience of performing for the audience. That’s when something clicked for me. I got up, carefully climbed back down the stairs, and headed to the lobby where tables were stacked with pre-signed copies of Ocean. The woman who handed me my book said earnestly, “Mr. Gaiman will be grateful for this,” when I explained that I was leaving before the signing started. That reinforced my impression that he really didn’t want to do the signing.

As I walked to the car I mulled over what had sent me out of the theater. I did not have the greatest of childhoods, and was raised by someone who wanted all the authority and none of the responsibility of being a parent. And that was the same vibe I got from Gaiman during the reading. He wanted the egoboo of adulation from his fans, but the responsibility that went along with that adulation, such as signing books, was too tedious for words. Maybe other people had different experiences, I don’t know. Maybe he was perfectly charming when you did get in line and have him sign something. But his attitude was a huge turn-off for me and cemented my disinterest in his work from that point onward.

The signed copy of Ocean remained in my car, and I finally threw it out during a cleaning. Some may think it’s horrible that I threw out a signed book instead of donating it or giving it to a fan. All I can say is that I paid for the book and it was my choice of how to dispose of it. After all these recent revelations about Gaiman’s behavior, I think I made the right choice.

Posted in Personal, Writing

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Headphones

Jan 7

Posted by Nicola Cameron

So, I’m a little slow at times.

Some relatives stayed with us last week for New Year’s, and one of them brought a pair of Bluetooth headphones with her. She’d pair them with her phone when she wanted to walk or work out and would cheerfully march along listening to her music.

Now, I love my music and podcasts, but for some reason it never occurred to me to get a pair of Bluetooth headphones. I have a pair of Bluetooth earpods but they’re not very comfortable and one keeps cutting out so I don’t use them very often. When I’m sitting here at my desk working I usually rely on a pair of corded headphones, and if I want to listen to something while I’m walking I just crank the volume on my phone.

But watching S toodle along with her pretty cream headphones got me thinking—it might be nice to have a set of cordless headphones that I can put on and just, you know, leave on. Wear them when I’m working, wear them when I’m walking around the house, wear them when I’m cooking or cleaning. The plus side is that I’d never have to worry about interrupting Ramón with my music or a podcast while he was on a call.

So I hunted around and found an inexpensive pair of Helix headphones at HEB. Took them home, charged them up, then paired them to my phone and went for a walk. My first impression—they were ever so slightly tight and made my ears hurt after an hour. But plastic can be stretched, and after leaving them wrapped around one of my mannequin heads for a day I tried them on again. This time they fit well enough, so I paired them to my desktop, turned on some Zoe Keating, and got to work.

People, I haven’t taken them off all day. I’ve gone downstairs multiple times to get a drink or lunch, I’ve gone on three walks around the house, I even went out to get the mail (they disconnected just as I reached the mailbox, then reconnected once I was within the house’s Wi-Fi range again), and I’ve had constant soothing cello music in the background all the time. I know the 10 hour runtime might seem a bit limiting, but we have USB-C chargers all over the house and I can charge the headphones at my desk while I’m cooking dinner or watching TV. Now I understand why so many people are wearing these things.

Posted in Personal, Trickster, Writing

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2023 Was Not My Best Year

Jan 1

Posted by Nicola Cameron

It didn’t help that I lost a good third of the year to cancer issues and associated stuff. I keep telling myself that when the obnoxious part of my brain tries to lash me for only putting out one book in 2023.

But after a week or so of relaxing, watching a lot of HGTV shows, knitting, and doing some small projects around the house, I will get back to work on High Tide. After that, I finish Hurricane Warning, then pivot to To Love a Wild Swan.

Just a warning, however. We have an absolute buttload of expensive repairs that need to be made to the house, and the only way we can afford to do them is if I pick up some contract technical writing/instructional designer work. Which means book production may slow down since I’ll have to spend eight hours of the work week selling my labor to other people so that we can fix our foundation and replace the dead air handler downstairs (those two issues alone will run us about $20-25K). It’s unfortunate, but it’s what I have to do until the books start selling better.

Posted in High Tide, Hurricane Warning, Personal, To Love a Wild Swan

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NaNoWriMo, Day Five

Nov 5

Posted by Nicola Cameron

Today: 1,892 words
Total: 8,858 words

I am so tired. Got the words cranked out, washed the bedding, dragged the vacuum upstairs to vacuum our bedroom, my office, and the hallway (I do not go into Ramón’s office for Here Be Dragons), and I just kinda want to collapse.

But I had another nice achievement today in addition to making my word count. One of the unintentional side effects of a surgery like mine is weight loss, at first because all you can eat is clear liquids followed by soft food (and you don’t really have an appetite anyway), and then because when you can start eating more normal foods you have to cut it up into small pieces and chew carefully. I suppose this is what people mean by mindful eating. And things like chips, anything crispy that scratches the inside of my mouth (like toasted bagels or pizza crust), or spicy foods remain off the menu because my mouth is still healing. Since those foods often contain a high percentage of carbs and fat, the effect of removing them from regular rotation becomes noticeable after a bit.

In associated news I am currently wearing a lovely pair of mint capris that I bought years ago. They didn’t quite fit me but I loved the way they looked and thought, “Well, maybe someday.” Apparently someday is today.

I’m not looking for congratulations or anything on this, by the way. This wasn’t deliberate weight loss—it’s a side effect of having cancer and really shouldn’t be celebrated. But it’s nice to be sitting here in these capris.

Posted in High Tide, NaNoWriMo, Personal

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NaNoWriMo, Day Four

Nov 4

Posted by Nicola Cameron

Today: 1,680 words
Total: 6,966 words

The work continues, although today was kind of a slog between writing, doing a mountain of laundry and putting it all away, hitting various stores so that the J Crew and we have food, and generally taking advantage of the fact that Ramón had headed off to his rolepaying game to blast music in the living room and kitchen while I prepped spaghetti for dinner. But hey, I got word count which is all that really matters.

And yes, I can eat spaghetti, although we use shells as the pasta because that’s what Ramón likes. As long as I overcook the pasta to a certain degree, let it cool down before I eat it, and chew carefully I’m good. Which I kinda have to do anyway because some not bad but still really weird shit is going on in my jaw right now—mainly, the nerves that were cut during surgery are starting to heal.

And man, it’s really hard to describe the sensation of a healing nerve. It’s not exactly painful, more like Icy Hot has been applied to my lower left lip and chin along with a low level intermittent electrical current. But while I still have limited muscle control and sensation on that side, I can’t honestly call it totally numb anymore. So hey, that’s an achievement.

Posted in High Tide, NaNoWriMo, Personal

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NaNoWriMo, Day Two

Nov 2

Posted by Nicola Cameron

Today: 1,708 words
Total: 3,419 words

I think I’m running into a bit of a problem with High Tide. Namely, I don’t really have a solid outline for it, and when I don’t have a good outline I have a real problem getting words on the page (I am not a pantser by any stretch of the definition. If I don’t have a roadmap for where I’m going, I can’t move).

See, back when I came up with the concept for the series I had an MFM trio in mind for this book until I realized that, well, let’s just say that a female romantic lead wouldn’t face the challenges I needed her to face. Switching the romantic menage to MMM fixed this, but it also changed a lot of plot elements of the story that I probably should have sorted out months ago. But hey, cancer and all that.

So I spent today with earbuds in blasting my song list for this book and hammering out the details of the new outline. It helps that when I moaned to Ramón abouta sticky plot point he asked me what the problem was, then came up with a couple of possible fixes. Turns out one of them prompted a very apropos subplot that is probably going to get me some hate down the line but what the hell, I stand by what I’m writing.

Once I got the outline massaged into shape the words started to flow again and I churned out 1,708 words for the day. So I’m still hitting my daily word quota and the story is progressing, tra la!

In associated news I had the last visit to my surgeon this morning for 2023. Everything looks good, he snipped off the remaining stitches on my neck and one long little bugger inside my mouth that was annoying me, and I’m to schedule an appointment with him after my scans in January.

I am still pretty swollen and my face is a little lopsided but I can feel tingles in the numb part of my lip, chin, and earlobe so hopefully the nerves are healing/decompressing and I’ll get full sensation back. To be honest the left half of my chin has been throbbing more than tingling, so I take that to mean that healing is in progress. More importantly, new gum tissue is growing over the bit of exposed jawbone in my mouth, as expected, and my remaining teeth are quite white and clean from my 3 times a day brushing habit and gargling with dry mouth mouthwash twice a day. My hygienist should be happy when I have my cleaning appointment this month.

As for potential reconstruction possibilities, implants are verboten for the time being because he wants to be able to monitor the area, but I’m cleared to get a partial denture if I want chewing surfaces. Dunno how my dentist is going to feel about that (I mentioned the possibility of a partial the last time I talked to him and he said very flatly, “You’re getting implants”) but I literally *have no bone* in which to put implants for at least the next six months so it’s a moot point. If a partial will help me chew on that side of my mouth once the stitches finally dissolve, I’m all for it.

Posted in High Tide, NaNoWriMo, Personal

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Some Good News For Once

Oct 24

Posted by Nicola Cameron

So I just got back from an appointment with my chemo oncologist. According to the path results my squamous cell cancer is Stage Two and the surgeon got everything. There is no evidence of cancer in the jawbone, nerves, or lymph nodes; apparently the tumor was wide (35mm) but only 2mm deep, so it was pretty much surface only. Dr. T says I don’t need chemo and he strongly doubts I need radiation, either, but I need to confirm that with my radiation oncologist next week.

Dr. T has officially recommended that I continue to recover and we monitor with scans in January and April, then another one in October, then go to yearly checkups. This is, without a doubt, the best damn early Christmas present I could have asked for. Phew.

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Back In the Saddle Again

Oct 23

Posted by Nicola Cameron

High Tide Episodes 19: Some Necessary Background, 20: Meanwhile, Back on the Yacht, and 21: Worrying As a Hobby are all live on Kindle Vella. Go forth, read, enjoy.

So, an update: I’m now two weeks out from surgery, my left jaw and lower lip are slowly coming back online, my neck is still swollen but the incision is healing beautifully, and I can eat most foods if I cut it into small pieces, chew carefully, and sip something between bites (anything hard, really crunchy, or spicy is still off the menu for the foreseeable future).

More importantly, I managed to chunk out 936 words today and I’m going to be posting High Tide eps on Kindle Vella every day this week to make up for the two weeks I wasn’t able to write (so much for creating an episode bank). I’m hoping to have the book done by mid-November, which will allow me to release it around mid-December. I’m not going to put Hurricane Warning out on Vella so that I don’t have to wait the mandatory 30 days from my last episode post to publish, so you might get that before the end of the year but it’s more likely that you’ll get it in mid-January. I’m sorry about that, but it’s amazing how developing cancer and having to have four teeth, gum tissue, and a strip of jawbone removed cuts into your writing time.

Speaking of that, I have an appointment with my chemo oncologist tomorrow, at which point I’ll learn the stage of the cancer and what comes next. Fingers crossed.

Posted in High Tide, Personal, Vella

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Back from the hospital, tra la

Oct 11

Posted by Nicola Cameron

I’m missing four teeth, gum tissue, a strip of jawbone, and all the lymph nodes in the left side of my neck, but the surgeon said he got all of the cancer and nice clean margins. We’ll get path reports in a week, at which time I find out what further treatment is required, but my chemo oncologist was visiting someone else and stopped in to see me, and said that the prelim path reports are good. Right now I feel majorly relieved more than anything. And I’m gonna have a really cool scar on my neck from the lymph node removal.

Highlights from the hospital stay:

Zofran is a godsend for opioid-induced nausea, but it doesn’t do bubkes for blood-induced nausea. And I swallowed a lot during surgery, apparently, so I spent a fair amount of Monday vomiting. Whee.
Doing my prehab routine and getting into as good a shape as possible for the surgery paid benefits in that I was able to do three rounds of the floor on Tuesday, got cleared by speech and physical therapy, and was untethered from the DVT calf sleeves so that I could get up and wheel my IV stand into the bathroom unassisted. The only reason I had to stay for one more night is that my surgeon wanted me to get a few more rounds of IV antibiotics.
There is a phlebotomist out there who is damn lucky I didn’t punch him in the nads when he startled me awake at 3 AM this morning and proceeded to use a regular blood draw needle on the back of my hand while saying, “Huh—I should use a baby needle for this. Oh, well.”
My GOD, hospitals are noisy places at night. But my nurses and CNAs were lovely people so many thanks go out to them.
A diet of clear liquids gets really, really dull after awhile. But I can start eating soft foods tomorrow so I’m looking forward to pudding, overcooked pasta, and soup instead of broth.
Pain-wise, it’s being handled nicely with Tylenol (granted, I still have a lot of opioids from the surgery in my system). Right now the most annoying thing is the sensation of having the world’s biggest canker sore under the left side of my tongue from the stitches poking said tongue.
I still have a drain in my neck from the lymph node removal, as well as some swelling that is giving me an impressive double chin, and I’m getting rather good at decanting the vacuum bulb and recording the output. The fluid is going from red to straw, which is expected and means that things are healing well.
I’m tired, happy to be home, and will be taking it easy for the rest of the week under direct orders from Ramón. I am not to clean, cook, do laundry, or any other chores. That will be a challenge, but I also know I really do need to rest and heal. The cats will just have to live with being locked out of the bedroom until my drain gets removed on Monday.

Posted in Personal

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