The memorial corner has settled in nicely and the azalea bush is looking good and producing new blossoms. I also bought a really pretty sun-shaped solar light and added it in the very back of the corner, and I may plant some vinca on either side of the azalea.

I still miss J.J. The living room feels empty and quiet, and the futon looks so odd with its regular cover and cushions. Granted, it’s been easier to clean—I’ve been vacuuming the LR rug every other day and sweeping the floors every day, and I can clean in the kitchen without worrying about disturbing him. The mild pee smell is gone and I make sure I sweep the litter-catching mat in the breakfast nook every morning.

But we can still feel this space in the house where he used to be. The J Crew have been a bit clingy, understandably, and I’ve been giving them extra attention, grooming, catnip, and petting. Jessie and Jeremy are slowly losing weight what with the shut-down of the Never-Ending Buffet, and even our little round puffball Jemma (who doesn’t like treats, doesn’t overeat, and will only occasionally eat tuna when offered it so I don’t understand why she put on so much weight) is showing signs of slimming down, all of which will make Dr. Dana happy. Which reminds me, I need to make appointments for Jem and Jasmine to get them vaccinated and checked out.

I hope I was a good cat mom to J.J., but sometimes I have doubts. I worry that I kept him alive too long for reasons that didn’t benefit him, that I should have taken the vet’s offer to have him put to sleep back on March 6th. If he had died peacefully in his sleep I wouldn’t be so bothered by this, but I’m pretty sure he had a stroke at the end and there were about five bad minutes before he died.

I promised him that I would take care of him and there wouldn’t be any pain, and I wasn’t able to keep that promise. Wherever he is, I hope he forgives me. I won’t be able to forgive myself, and I won’t ever make that mistake again with the rest of the J Crew.