We have the absolute best cat vet in Collin County, Dr. Dana Crigger at Cat Hospital of Collin County. She’s been treating the J Crew since 2011 and she’s simply amazing. She saw J.J. this morning and agreed with me that he had an upper respiratory infection and that she could treat it, but also said that he was in end-stage kidney failure (as was obvious by the smell of uremia on his breath).

We discussing putting him to sleep while he was there, but I wanted to 1) give Ramón a chance to say goodbye and 2) give the meds a chance to work and see if he might bounce back. She agreed that we shouldn’t take that final step until I was 100% sure that he was ready, but gently suggested that we make an appointment for Wednesday in case he fails any further.

Problem is, this cat has bounced back multiple times from being on the brink of death, and I owed it to him to give him a chance. But personally I think this is it. He has kitty dementia, is half blind and deaf, incontinent in pee and poop, and now quite apart from the end-stage kidney failure he can’t walk, refuses food, and has to have someone crouch over him and hold the water bowl for him while he drinks. But this will give us a day in which to spoil him rotten and show him just how much we love him. I’ve got a painkiller for him and will administer it as needed so that he’s not in any pain, and I’ll make sure he’s clean, dry, and comfortable.

Another vet once told me that our pets have a special blessing in that they don’t have to suffer until their bodies finally give up, that their human can do the right thing and make sure they’re not in any more pain. I’m holding that thought right now because it’s the only thing keeping me going.