I’m assuming that we all heard the bad news about Lucifer today (WHY, Fox. WHY?). That being said, it did occur to me that this meant certain actors I had mentally cast as characters in To My Muse were now available for work. And since my editor and at least two beta readers have told me that 1) they laughed their asses off while reading it, and 2) this really needs to be turned into a script, I clearly need to win the Powerball and produce the damn movie myself.
Keep all sharp objects away from my reality bubble, please. I’m allowed to dream.
And in case you don’t know the plot to the book, here you go: Ever do something really, really dumb?
When too much tequila and an enabling BFF put Lily Nayar’s romance novel Feast of Lovers into the hands of its inspiration, sexy British actor Tom Morrison, Lily is horrified. Now she’s determined to get her book back, even if that means breaking into Tom’s hotel room to do it.
With the help of a strategic lie and a charismatic knight, Lily’s screwball plan catapults her into the middle of her very own Cinderella story, Hollywood style. But will a vengeful actress ruin Lily’s shot at a real life HEA with Tom?
So, anyway, let’s take a quick trip into Nic’s mind and see who she would cast for the movie version of To My Muse:
Lily Nayar (played by Liza Koshy). Funny, snarky, wannabe screenwriter working as a tech writer by day and romance writer by night.
She never meant to send a copy of her romance novel Feast of Lovers to its inspiration, sexy British actor Tom Morrison. When tequila shots and an enabling BFF bring this about, however, a horrified Lily is determined to get her book back — even if that means breaking into Tom’s hotel room while he’s on location.
Needless to say, hijinks ensue.
Tom Morrison (played by Tom Ellis). Third lead on the dystopian steampunk series GearShifter, he’s flattered when he learns that he’s inspired a romance novel by “Lilian DeVries.” The last thing he expects to find, however, is Lily facing off against his sexually rapacious costar Claudine Ellery in his hotel room.
When he pretends that Lily is his girlfriend in order to discourage Claudine, it triggers a series of events that wind up with him hiring Lily to write a spec script for his dream project, a biopic of Pope Pius XII. As you do.
Sir Nathan Chapman (played by Sir Ben Kingsley). Oscar-winning actor, knight, and Tom’s costar on GearShifter, he’s also Tom’s first choice to play Pope Pius XII in At the Right Hand.
The genial actor gets an earful from Claudine first, however, and assumes that Tom and Lily are dating when Tom introduces her as AtRH‘s screenwriter. When he tells Tom to bring Lily to the Chapmans’ anniversary party in Palm Springs, Tom convinces Lily to come along in order to keep Nathan happy.
Lady Ana Chapman (played by Dame Helen Mirren). Former Ukrainian supermodel, businesswoman, and leading light of LA philanthropy, she and Nathan are old friends of Tom. She’s delighted to meet Lily and takes the younger woman under her wing for the party, lending her a stunning Bulgari necklace and earring set to complete her transformation to successful young Hollywood elite. Why, yes, she plays the fairy godmother in this Cinderella re-telling, why do you ask?
Theresa Eastridge (played by Quinta Brunson). Lily’s BFF and Senior video producer at ThruPut, the social media company that turned into a global juggernaut when nobody was looking.
No-nonsense but empathetic as all hell, Theresa gets sucked into Lily’s insane plan because it was her idea to send Tom the copy of Feast of Lovers in the first place. She also writes the contract that gives Lily 1.5 points, gross, on Right Hand, because that’s just how she rolls.
Claudine Ellery (played by Charlize Theron). Fourth lead of GearShifter. Blonde, beautiful, bitchy, and more than a bit sensitive about the fact that she’s on the wrong side of 40.
Claudine is slated to star in a movie scripted by Lily’s ex-boyfriend (one eensy thing — Lily wrote 2/3 of the script). Oh, and she really wants to add Tom’s notch to her bedpost. Needless to say, she does not appreciate Lily cockblocking her (or threatening to cunt punt her into Arizona).
Marion “Bubbles” Warner (played by Rachel Dratch). Lily’s manager at Golden State Bank, she’s a micromanaging nightmare. God forbid you put the wrong header on an email. She clearly needs to get drunk, laid, and a life outside of the bank, not necessarily in that order.
Why, yes, I may have had managers like this in my tech writing career. Never piss off a writer, for they will use you in their books years later, and they will be ruthless.
Liam Hennessy (played by Louis Herthum). A respected character actor and Tom’s costar on GearShifter, he gets drawn into the At the Right Hand michigas when Tom decides to cast him as a monsignor in Right Hand.
Also, Lou is kinda responsible for To My Muse in the first place so I wanted to give him a cameo. The similarity in initials should be a big honking clue about that.
Sanjay Nayar (played by Jay Chandrasekhar). Lily’s engineer dad, he’s responsible for most of her good habits as well as her storytelling skills. Plus he bails her out of a tight spot with his parents, so he’s getting the extra large Best Dad Ever mug filled with chocolate-covered espresso beans this year for Father’s Day.
The fact that I would pay to watch Jay read the phone book has nothing to do with this mental casting choice, truly.
Dr. Helen Nayar (played by Ashley Judd). Lily’s thoracic surgeon mom and referee for the Family Dinner battles between her kids. Patient is her middle name, and not just because she’s a doctor.
Helen loves her husband and kids, appreciates her in-laws, and enjoys her life. She just wishes Lily would do something a bit more constructive with her life. Which, considering her engineer husband and CTO son, is understandable.
Derek Nayar (played by Suraj Sharma). Lily’s younger brother and CTO at Limner FX. A hard-charging executive who thrives on pressure and deadlines, he really, really, REALLY wants Lily to come work for him. Lily would rather orally service Steve Bannon. Also, she still remembers making Derek dress up as a Power Puff Girl for Halloween one year, which would just cause problems at work.
Diya “Dadi” Nayar (played by Suhasini Mulay). Lily’s paternal grandmother, she wants her family to be happy, successful, and enthusiastic about their Indian heritage. Great-grandkids wouldn’t hurt, either. But she won’t hesitate to take a slipper to a grandchild if it becomes necessary (looking at Derek).
Arjun “Dada” Nayar (played by Anupam Kher). Lily’s paternal grandfather, he’s the successful CEO of an import business. He’s not overly thrilled with Tom, however, when Lily and Tom run into her parents and grandparents while shopping in Palm Springs.